


Panem et Circenses

by FunkyDad, ThyLordBelial (ZakiSalem)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky is an absolute little shit, Clint is a horny bastard, Co-Workers to Lovers???, Dating apps are weird, Food Kink, Food Sex, M/M, Mentions of fucking, Multiple Orgasms, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Pizza, Rough Sex, Sam Wilson is So Done, Sibling Incest, Steve Is A Prude, Tags May Change, Thorki happened, Voyeurism, Why Pizza?, probable use of food, safe sex, unrealistic amount of orgasms, unrealistic refactory period
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:47:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkyDad/pseuds/FunkyDad, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZakiSalem/pseuds/ThyLordBelial
Summary: ThyLordBelial had a conversation on a dating app, and shared to a writing discord, ever the dangerous place to talk of such things, the discord came up with this idea.The Avengers are trying to get Sam and Bucky dates, however, one profile sparks a conversation that gets more than one of them laid, food getting involved occasionally, as conversations of their past deeds come to light.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Clint Barton/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Tony Stark/Thor
Kudos: 7





	1. Item: Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> ThyLordBelial: I'm no expert at fanfic, nor smut, but to be presented this as an idea, after the actual conversation, with the help of FunkyDad, has been an absolute hoot. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard over a bad situation before.

Sam couldn’t believe what had happened, all because of a dumb bet he and Clint had made with Bucky, and that he would have such a bright idea. They all had been browsing through tinder, trying to hook both Bucky and Sam up with somebody when they saw it, the one profile bold enough to put down their kinks.

“I mean, that doesn’t sound pleasant” Steve commented while Sam nodded in agreement. 

“It’s honestly not that bad, trust me” they all look over at Tony, who had spoken, none of them had expected it would be him to have come out with that. He looked up at their shocked and confused faces. “What? Do you think  _ I’m  _ one of the more straight-laced guys here? Ya gotta be kidding me right?” 

“Twenty bucks says the two birds over there give it a go” Bucky spoke up. There was a menacing grin on his face at this point. 

“What? Me? No!” Sam replied quickly. Clint was just standing there, thinking deeply. “You seriously aren’t considering this are you?” he looked at Clint who was still in thought. 

“Are you really that much of a chicken?” Bucky taunted, before making a clucking sound. 

A muscle in Clint’s jaw twitched before he pulled out his phone, staring at Bucky while hitting the speed dial for his favourite pizza place.

“You owe me for this Bucky,” Clint said. Bucky shrugged and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. Pulling $20 from it and handing it to Clint. 

“So, what’ll it be Birdboy, this, and $20, or the rest of your days being known as ‘the chicken.’”

Sam didn’t look too convinced. Damn him and his semi-collected-ness. Tony had a glint in his eye though as he watched them all. “Tell ya what. If you do it I’ll tell you about the time I did. And throw in a bottle of scotch.” 

Sam paused, cursing Tony, why did he have to offer that kind of reward? For him to do it. “I think you may be speaking his language here Tony” Bucky commented. “To be honest, I’d pay just to hear about you doing what you did.” 

“Come now, Anthony. Surely you can do better than tell our friends about it?” Thor said before anyone could say more. “How about we give our feathered friends a demonstration?” Thor was smiling congenially, looking not the slightest bit embarrassed about the thought of having sex in front of a group of friends, while even Tony was shifting in his seat. Though it wasn’t entirely clear exactly  _ why _ as he quickly crossed his legs, so he might not have been nervous.

Steve pulled a face at the conversation going on around him. “Bunch of horny 13-year-olds.” He muttered under his breath.    
  


“Ah come on Stevie, like you weren’t way worse at thirteen. Or do I need to remind you of that time with the-” The rest of Bucky’s sentence was cut off by the throw pillow Steve threw at his face as if it was his shield. 

They all gave Steve a surprised look. “It is said that it’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for” Vision commented.

“It’s not what you guys think,” Steve said. “Bucky has always liked to give me more grief about that, but nothing actually happened.” 

“Are you sure it was just ‘nothing’ Steve?” Bucky teased, throwing the pillow back onto the sofa

“Look, hate to burst the bubble, but are we doing this or not?” Clint asked, clenching his jaw. Sam inhaled deeply, with Bucky clucking next to him. 

“Fine. you better double that bet of yours” Sam said, glaring at Bucky. Bucky shrugged and Tony was sitting there, grinning. Steve couldn’t believe that Bucky had talked Sam into this, let alone Tony also jumping onto the bandwagon trying to convince Sam to do this. 

“Why do I feel like this is going to end badly?” Steve said. 

“Oh, don’t be such a misery Steve, or do you-” Steve threw another pillow, hitting Bucky square in the face before he could finish his sentence or react. As he caught the pillow, he threw it back. 

“I have a better idea,” Tony said, “why don’t you two get a room and finally, for the love of God, fuck?” 

“There is no shame in working your differences out in such a manner” Thor piped up. “I too, have done so on many occasions” Steve and Bucky looked at Thor, who seemed confused by their reactions. “I am just saying it is a better way of dealing with similarities and differences than trying to hurt or kill each other” 

“Oh yes, I am sure that’s how you worked things out with Loki,” Tony said sarcastically while taking a sip of scotch

“Things between Loki and I have never been better I will have you know” Thor replied, making Tony choke on his drink in the process. 

“Well, that isn’t the first time I’ve seen you choke,” Pepper said, making Tony go bright red and start coughing. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at Tony, “Oh, it wasn’t me, I was merely a bystander in this one” she said, side-eying Bruce, who just shrugged. Bucky’s laughing had subsided, but he was still snickering thinking about Tony and Bruce, with Pepper watching the pair of them. 

“Oh, how I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one” Clint commented. “We still haven’t got around to ordering this pizza though. What do you want to use?” Clint asked. 

“Meat feast” Tony got out between the coughing fits, this time it was Sam who started laughing until it sunk in that Tony wasn’t joking. As Sam’s face changed from laughing to the realisation that this was happening, he started to regret ever agreeing to this. 

Bucky started clucking again, reminding him as to why he had agreed to do this. “Do it” Sam said. “Before I either fully regret this, or punch Bucky” 

“Alright then” he said as the pizza place finally answered so he could put in an order for an extra-large meat feast pizza. 

“You know, maybe after this, I can show you exactly what happens after you punch me?” Bucky said, his grin actually sort of charming as he gave Sam an over the top wink.

Sam hated Bucky for doing that. Bucky knew that was one surefire way of getting him to do basically anything he wanted. Sam could also see some jealousy from Steve as this happened and figured to keep his distance, at least for the time being. 

"Pizza will be here in about 20, you better get yourself ready Sam, we really only have one go at this, and I would rather not mess up."

Steve cleared his throat. "You know, it might be wise to use some kind of water-based lube to avoid getting too many burns or blisters." Everyone gave Steve a worried look, after he gave them the information, except for Bucky who just burst out laughing again. 

“I told you he knows more than he lets on,” Bucky said, catching his breath. "He knows practically everything that needs to be known about this kind of thing." 

Sam and Clint looked at Steve, then at Tony. “Do we even have any of that in the building at the moment?” Sam asked, really hoping there wasn’t so he could find some way of slipping out quietly.

“Not a chance birdboy, you already agreed to this, you ain’t backing out now,” Bucky said. “Besides I should have some in my quarters you can have. Come on.” Bucky dragged Sam out of the room as Peter walked in.

“Hi what are you up to, can I join?” Peter asked. 

“Sorry Kiddo, this is an adults-only issue, give it a few years and you can at least be a part of the discussion.” Pepper heard the conversation and managed to grab Peter before he walked in on them all, and went off with him to get him out of Stark tower for a couple of hours while Bucky continued to drag Sam up several more floors until they reached his quarters. As they headed inside, Bucky kept up a pretty steady stream of conversation. 

“Look, Clint may seem like the one in control of the situation now, but from what I hear, he’s the kind of guy who gets going more by being on the receiving end than the giving. So, despite your protests, you’re gonna have to take a bit of control when we get to it.” Bucky’s phone pinged with a message from Tony to say that Peter should be gone awhile with Pepper and they wouldn’t need to worry too much about whether or not he was around to walk in on them getting on with it.

“Also, don’t worry about the kid, he’s not going to be here for the near future,” Bucky said. “I know you get on with the kid, and would rather not have him see this, and I agree, but still.” Sam pulled a face to show his disgust at the situation. Bucky let out a short laugh and walked over to one of his sets of drawers, opening one of the top ones and putting his hand in. 

Sam approached and was shocked by quite how much lube Bucky had just sitting in the drawer. “Don’t even go there.” Bucky warned, “not all of it is for sex, just saying.” Sam just glowered at him, unconvinced. 

“Look I know you may not get it, but I gotta be able to use this arm you know?” Bucky said, waving his left arm in the air. He then went back to digging through the drawer, Sam hearing a thud, as clearly, his left hand had hit the bottom of the drawer. 

“Ah-ha!” he said, pulling out a bottle with his right hand. Turning around, he walked over to Sam and handed it to him. It was a new bottle and looked like he had only recently purchased it. “Consider yourself lucky I went and got some more recently, would hate to give you one of my half-used ones” Bucky gave him another wink, and Sam was nearly overcome with a need to punch the smug look off of his face. 

“Oh come on Sam, don’t give me that look will you, you and I both know I’d take you any day of the week.” Sam locked his jaw, he didn’t want to admit it, but he’d rather that than what he was going to be doing shortly. Friday announced that the pizza was there, and Sam swallowed hard. 

“You’ll gladly fly around with that bird suit of yours on, yet you won’t even be remotely adventurous in bed.” Bucky gave a short laugh patting him on the back with his left arm, winding him slightly. “Let’s get going before they start to think I’ve gotten bored and fucked you instead.” 

Sam nodded as they walked back towards the elevators. Friday then communicated they were to meet at Clint’s room soon. Bucky saw Sam’s jaw clench more and realised that maybe he shouldn’t have egged him on so much. “Hey, buddy, I'm sorry for taunting you so much earlier on. That probably hasn’t helped you that much.” Bucky said. Sam shot him a sideways glance as they continued on. 

As they reached Clint’s quarters, Clint had just turned up with the pizza, Tony shortly behind him and Steve keeping a watchful eye over Tony so he didn’t get any ideas. “Shall we?” Clint said, Sam only managing to nod and make some kind of grunt as Clint opened the door to his room, walking in. Steve looked at Bucky with a raised eyebrow. 

“What on earth did you say to him to have him this tense, it ain’t going to work like this” 


	2. Error: Fucks Not Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things Happen, Pizza's normal intended purpose is thrown out the window, and the authors realise how much of a crack fic this is shaping up to be.

Sam was barely in the room with Steve, Bucky and Tony when Clint was already striding his way over to a table, placing the pizza down. “Now, I’d suggest the three of you leave before we start the show, I doubt this one’s performance will be particularly good with an audience” Bucky took the hint and left, surprising Steve and Tony both. Sam gave Steve a sideways glare. 

Taking the hint, Steve walked out grabbing Tony by his t-shirt and dragging him out behind him. Sam walked further into the room, with Clint walking back over to meet him. “Look, I know this is going to be awkward, for the both of us, shall we just get started and see where this heads?” Sam nodded, realising that he had suddenly lost his voice. “What, no witty comeback? That’s unlike you.” 

“Try me,” Sam said, making Clint laugh.

“I’ll give you credit, you’ve got this going somewhere, maybe not the direction those schmucks were thinking of,” he thought for a second “but we could start there.” Sam was mildly conscious of there being eyes boring into the back of him, wondering quite where the rest of them were watching this go down from. Especially as they had a habit of getting Jarvis to stream this to one of the TVs

Clint took the chance to make the first move, stepping closer to Sam and placing a hand just above his waist and pulling him closer, mouth just touching a spot on Sam’s neck that he never realised was so sensitive. Sam had to put his hand on Clint’s shoulder to steady himself as Clint started to lick and suck on that spot on Sam’s neck. 

“Fuck, steady on there, do you want this to last more than one goddamned round?” Sam managed, he wasn’t sure quite how the hell Clint had managed to turn him on that quickly, but goddamn he needed to make a note of that for future reference. 

“I do, absolutely, intend to make this last longer, mostly because we’re gonna need that pizza to be cool before we can even consider using it. It’s nuclear hot at the moment and I don’t know about you, but I would rather not be getting burnt by that.” Sam murmured an agreement, as they moved how they were standing and Clint moved one of his hands further down to Sam’s crotch.

Sam was definitely harder than he was a couple of minutes prior, but not as hard as Clint had wanted him to be. “Whoa, steady there Clint, you wanna do that, we’re taking this elsewhere,” Sam said. There was a glint in Clint’s eyes, as he was palming at Sam’s slowly hardening cock. Clint stepped away and moved towards a door off to one side, leaving Sam hanging. Sam suddenly felt the need to not let Clint just leave him here, halfway ready to go at it. 

“Fucking shit,” he muttered to himself as they moved into Clint’s bedroom, shutting the door behind them both. He realised he still had the lube in his hand when Clint took it away from him and threw it over on the bed. He then grabbed onto Sam and pushed him that direction as well. 

“You ain’t getting off that easy, finish what you started,” Sam said.

“Who says?” Clint grinned from ear to ear, knowing full well he had started getting Sam riled up enough. He realised that Sam was quite impatient.

“Instead of grinning like the Cheshire cat, why don’t you put that mouth of yours to a better use?” Sam said. Clint was momentarily stunned by the boldness of Sam but went with it. Clearly, Sam was going to make him work a lot for this. He got back to work palming Sam through his pants, and then pushed him over to the bed, almost making Sam fall back onto it. He then quickly made work getting Sam out of his pants and boxers, and getting his hand wrapped around Sam’s dick. 

He wasn’t quite sure what to expect from the younger man, so to have him be a reasonable size and girth was a bit more of a relief than a worry. Clint then pushed Sam onto the bed, making him slide up the bed further before climbing on himself, and ducking down towards Sam’s dick. 

He started to pump at Sam’s dick, taking the top of it in his mouth and licking the tip of it. Sam wondered how the hell Clint was doing it but kept having his thoughts interrupted by Clint working on his dick. 

Clint was wasting no time in getting Sam worked up, repeatedly. He was able to at least get Sam’s dick most of the way into his mouth before it hit the back of his throat. He was also using his tongue to work on several pleasure points which started to make Sam moan. 

Goddamn, I wasn’t expecting to get this worked up just from this, but this is working a treat. Clint thought to himself as he kept going. Sam’s moaning kept on as Clint kept on giving him the time of his life. 

Neither of them had noticed Bucky, Steve and Tony quietly re-enter the room and watch, Bucky and Tony exchanging sly grins as Steve looked almost scandalised at what he was witnessing. 

They saw Clint shift, and decided that it was time to make a quick exit before Sam finally gave out and came harder than he ever thought was possible. 

“Goddamn Clint, that mouth of yours is good at more than just giving us all shit.” Sam said, breathing kind of heavily looking at him. “I have to say, I had my doubts, but now…” Clint chuckled as he stepped back off the bed and retrieved the pizza.

“So, how do you want to do this?” Clint asked. “I’m happy to be on the receiving end, but never really had to consider the logistics of using Pizza before,” he said. 

“I don’t know, maybe we should get you prepped first before we even think of adding that, it still looks like it’d burn some, even now.” Clint gave him a considered look and put the pizza down on one of the side tables near the bed. 

Nodding, Clint started pulling at his own clothes, as Sam made quick work of his own, being halfway done already. Sam picked up the lube from where it had fallen on the bed, ripped off the seal and opened it. "Wait, probably for the best if we use protection, wouldn't want to have too many issues later would we?"

Clint walked to his bedside table and opened it, grabbing a condom from there and checking the date. "Shit, I need to get some new ones" he said.   
"Should be a couple good ones in my wallet" Sam commented. Clint went to his jeans and pulled his wallet out finding some with a decent date on.

Sam put some lube on his hands and warmed it up a little as Clint climbed onto the bed, unwrapping the condom and putting it on Sam, before he settled himself on his knees in front of him.

Sam tried to make sure he had got as much off of one of his hands so that he could guide Clint a little better as he started using his fingers to get Clint’s hole relaxed enough to take him. 

He took his time, knowing it was probably wise to allow Clint to get used to it. Once he figured Clint was ready, he picked up the lube again and got his dick appropriately covered, adding more to Clint’s ass to be sure and poking at Clint’s entrance. 

“You ready?” Sam asked, waiting for Clint to nod, as he did. Clint moaned shocks of spasming hitting Sam’s dick as he pushed in. As Sam got Clint straightened up with Clint’s back against his chest, he placed one arm around Clint’s stomach to keep him place, his other hand going to Clint’s own dick, keeping a pace similar to what he was starting to do from behind. 

“Seems this ain’t your first rodeo” Clint commented to Sam as he kept going. 

Sam chuckled. “So what if it isn’t?” he replied. “I can go harder if you want? Or would you rather keep this going for a bit?”

“Keep it at this pace, I’m still trying to figure out how to include the pizza in this.” Sam’s hips stuttered for a couple of seconds as he suddenly had a wave of pleasure of his own, meaning he thrust forward a little harder than he was anticipating, interrupting Clint’s thoughts. “Steady on there, I thought I said to go easy.” Clint said. 

“I’m trying to, you’re making this a lot harder than it needs to be.” Sam hissed. He didn’t understand how the name of any god Clint had made him so goddamned sensitive down there. Clint at this point was also starting to seep precum from his dick as he was being worked over. 

“If you need to offload again, don’t feel the need to pull out it’d likely help out later on.” Clint said, making Sam’s dick twitch inside him. 

“You realise it ain’t taking much for me to orgasm right now don't you Clint, I’m at least trying to make this even before i-shit.” It was at that point he came again, offloading into the condom, while still in Clint’s ass, and thrusting erratically, causing Clint to also come at the same time. 

Clint didn't want to say it, but he'd have been happy with Sam fucking him rather than using the pizza. He felt at least somewhat responsible for the fact Sam was now doing this, and that maybe he should at least go easy on the guy. But for whatever reason, he was drawing a blank on how best to use the pizza. He did have one idea, and hoped that with Sam fucking him as he was, it’d be possible. It seemed terrible to waste such a good pizza with the idea, so he resolved to order another and actually eat it. 

Sam had kept going with fucking Clint, as much as he found the rythym and feel of his dick inside Clint’s ass pretty good, he was fast running out of patience with Clint trying to figure out what to do, and would sooner rather than later shove the pizza up Clint’s ass as much as he would his foot. “Why don’t we swap your dick for a rolled up bit of pizza?” Clint asked. “If we roll it correctly, shouldnt be any different to you fucking me, right.” 

“Thank fuck for that, i was about to do that regardless.” Sam said, thrusting a couple more times, before Clint stopped him, and slid himself off of Sam’s still hard dick. Clint kind of missed the feeling of Sam's dick inside of him, as it was more of a welcome feeling than some of the previous guys he had been with. Clint had reached for the box, and Jarvis piped up. 

“You know the others are getting impatient watching you, right.” Sam looked for the nearest camera and stuck his middle finger up at it. “I shall pass on the fact you are not happy with their suggestions.” 

“They can stick their suggestions where the sun doesn't shine for all I care,” Sam commented. “This is blackmail enough as it is without them all chiming in with suggestions.” 

“I shall pass that on as well. I will leave you both in peace to finish what you’ve started.” Jarvis fell silent. Clint looked over at Sam with a smirk on his face. 

“Well that sure told them didn't it?” Clint commented. “I don’t blame you though, I don’t appreciate being told what to do quite in the manner they chose to do it.” he said, as he picked up the pizza box, and opened it. Looking at the pizza, he was grateful they had cut it fairly evenly, so it would be fairly easy to pick a piece to roll. As he picked a bit he made sure it was free of any extraneous cheese, and started rolling it. 

He walked back over to the bed again, and resumed where he was in front of Sam, who was thinking somewhat intently about how best to go back to this, that was until Clint wrapped his hand around Sam’s dick and lined himself back up again. “Just fuck me awhile longer then let me know when you’re going to pull out so we can swap for the pizza.”

Sam was at least thankful that Clint had an idea what he was doing, because he didn't have the foggiest clue. Before Sam could get back to fucking Clint, Clint leaned forward on his elbows and after a bit of careful consideration grabbed the other condom from Sam's wallet and rolled it over the rolled up slice of pizza. Better safe than sorry, right? 

Sam felt the urge to laugh at this point, the whole situation felt absolutely ridiculous and seeing the pizza wrapped in a condom was just the start of it. Clint looked over his shoulder at Sam and waggled an eyebrow, breaking Sam’s expression, making him chuckle. 

“One of these days you are going to kill me” Sam said. “But anyway, before I change my mind again, get back here so I can at least get this over and done with, the longer you drag this out, the more appealing being called “the chicken” is becoming.” Clint laughed, and resumed his position, guiding himself back onto Sam’s dick and allowing Sam to fuck him for a little while longer. 

Sam couldnt help but admit that this part was the part he was enjoying, he never expected to ever be feeling that way, but there was something about fucking Clint that was just right. He fucked him fairly roughly, not wanting to give Clint a chance to stop him. Not that Clint was even inclined to stop him from doing so. 

Sam didn't even bother stopping himself from coming again, there was also cum oozing from Clint's dick as sam wrapped his hand around it and helped him finish as well. Clint handed him the condom-wrapped-pizza and Sam took it. 

“Ready?” Sam asked

“About as ready as i’ll ever be” Clint replied. “Gotta say, this is going to be a first.” 

“For us both” Sam replied, as he pulled out, carefully pushing the pizza in where his dick was. 

“Fuck” Clint said, “hate to say it, you’re good, but that pizza is hitting things i didnt know existed.” Clint said. Sam inserted it most of the way in then pulled it out, pushing it back in slowly. Clint let out this moan that Sam had yet to hear from the man, and started masturbating as Sam kept going at the same pace that he had started with. 

He was starting to think that Clint maybe had a thing for including food in sex, or at least putting unconventional things in his body. Sam swapped hands to keep up the pace needed for Clint, as he gave Clint a supporting arm around him. It wasn't long before Clint came, hard, and cum came spurting out at some velocity.

Sam kept going with the pizza, allowing Clint to recover from that first round. When Clint was ready, he started again, matching the pace that Sam was setting, they continued like that for some time, Clint coming a couple more times in the process, before stopping Sam, and motioning for the pizza to be taken out. 

Clint just stopped and leant back on Sam, who kept a firm hold on Clint at this point, allowing him to calm after coming so many times. “I didn’t realise i needed that, thank you.” Clint said. Sam gave a half smile. 

“You’re welcome”


End file.
